If I'd have known...

If I'd have known that the last time I had sex would be 'the last time', I would've put more effort into enjoying it.

I've gone through my live assuming there will always be more - of everything, including life. This assumption has led me to live less fully. I've missed out on the depth and breadth of the joyfulness of the sweetest moments of my life. I lost perspective and got caught up in the most mundane details of my day to day existence. If I knew that this was the last bill I would ever have to pay or the last time I'd have to shovel the drive way, would I do the tasks more happily? willingly? less resentfully? If I knew this was the last traffic jam I would ever have to endure, the last time I'd have to sit in a waiting room, the last time I'd have to wait in a checkout line - would the time not be spent less grudgingly?

If I knew this was the last Lake Huron sunset I'd ever lay eyes on, would it be even more beautiful? If I knew this moment would be the last I would spend with my child, (grandchild, elder, loved one) would I be more patient? loving? kind?

I would like to, in this new coming year, be less presumptuous about the time I've been allotted and more consciously grateful so I can live a fuller, deeper, more meaningful life. And I wish this for everyone else in the new year too!